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Balancing Emotion and Composure in Public Speaking: A Personal Experience
As a professional wedding MC and celebrant, it’s not unusual for me to witness the profound effect emotions have on people attempting to deliver a heartfelt speech. This creates a mix of empathy and sympathy from the congregation and guests but can also lead to a sense of uneasiness in the room as people are not sure how to process what’s going on. Have you been there?
In January of last year, I encountered one of the most demanding moments of my life. I was responsible for delivering Dad’s eulogy. I felt an enormous sense of duty and the need to honor Dad with dignity. As a professional speaker, I was confident in finding the right words and delivering the message to the congregation in the chapel and those spilling out into the driveway. However, I was aware of the intense emotions I would feel on the day and how they could get in the way of properly honoring Dad.
Techniques to Maintain Composure
- Positive Reframing
Before the funeral, I deliberately reframed my mindset in the car. Instead of focusing on not crying, I told myself, “I can deliver this with dignity and strength.” This positive affirmation shifted my focus from squashing emotions to embodying the qualities I wanted to uphold.
- Controlled Breathing
Leading up to and during the speech, I focused on deep, controlled breathing. This simple technique helped calm my trembling nerves and reduced my heart rate and stress.
- Acknowledging Emotions
I owned my emotions privately, recognising that feeling overwhelmed was natural and okay. I figured if I accepted my emotions, I could better manage them when it was time to speak.
- Head Position
I knew keeping my head upright was crucial. The old saying “keep your chin up” rings true here. When we feel the emotions welling up and drop our heads, our tears begin flowing freely, and it’s all over from there! Keeping your chin up/horizontally to the ground reduces the chances of bursting into tears and also projects confidence to the audience.
- Pauses
During the eulogy, there were a few moments when I needed to pause to collect myself. Use these moments to take a deep breath, regain control, and speak clearly and with strength.
Psychological Insights
Fact: When you tell yourself repeatedly, “I’m not going to cry,” you might actually increase the likelihood of tears due to a thing called Ironic Process Theory. Instead, positive affirmations like “I can deliver this message clearly” or “I am calm and composed” can be more effective. These statements help reinforce a calm mindset and reduce the focus on suppressing emotions.
Delivering my father’s eulogy with dignity was not just about honouring him; it was about providing comfort to everyone present. The techniques I used helped me maintain control, ensuring that my message was heard clearly and that my father was honoured appropriately. This experience was a first-hand reminder of the importance of preparation, positive framing, and emotional acceptance in public speaking.
Embracing Emotions and Clarity
No matter how skilled you are, emotions can surprise you, especially during significant moments. The gravity of such occasions is powerful, and there is something profound about declaring something true to your heart. In these moments, your heart opens up, revealing those deep emotions.
However, it’s important to note that it’s okay to suspend the tears momentarily. This doesn’t mean you care any less. In fact, it means you care enough to pause that emotion to fulfil the role of the person delivering the message clearly and effectively.
By integrating these techniques and psychological insights, I believe you can manage your emotions effectively during a speech. Whether you’re delivering a eulogy or speaking at any emotionally charged event, these strategies can help you maintain composure and deliver your message with the strength and clarity it deserves.
